Character Defects

Procrastination. Lack of delegation. Omission. Fear of not being desired. Fear of admitting fear! Self imposed expectations. Disrespect. Selfishness. Communication issues!! And the list goes on...

At this weeks meeting with my sponsor we talked about Step 6 of the 12 Step program I am working as part of my recovery. Basically, it is about being ready and willing for one's God, Higher Power, whatever, to remove our defects of character. This is a tough one. Making a list of my less than desirable characteristics isn't difficult, however, letting go of them is. Although negative, they are comfortable, and that's what is so hard to change and possibly give up. But that is the point of this step. It's just about being willing to address them, to understand and ultimately redirect them to a more positive and productive direction.

My time at the Betty Ford Center, and continued fellowship in AA, taught me that I don't have to feel judged or "less than" because of my behavior. I'm just a human being and not a perfect being. I am fortunate to have a great sponsor who isn't perfect either, and might even share some of those negative characteristics with me (although I'm not one to talk about other people... Oh no I'm not!!!). So, Mr. Sponsor, I think that I have finished my assignment. I have addressed these negative characteristics and am willing to understand and change them. Not all of them at this very moment, but we both know the biggest and baddest one and that is what I am starting with. Today. Because it affects almost all of the others.

And now I am putting this blog to bed. It's been a busy day and tomorrow will be as well.